My Angel named "Catherine Andrea" (The Pain of Losing a Child)

The 31st of May marks another memorable day in my life! This year, little Catherine Andrea would have turned 3 years old! Looking back, it was, for me one of the most unforgettable event in my life! It was the day my third baby came to this world and left after an extremely short existence of barely two hours, leaving without even having the chance to get to know her daddy & mommy and her sisters as well. Born four months earlier that she should, she was rather very much pre-mature to be able to survive! It was indeed a very difficult situation for me then, having been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix (I was supposed to have "bed rest" for the rest of my pregnancy then) which eventually led to a leak in my "bag-of-water" and to that unfortunate decision to deliver the baby at 5 months. I remember, my husband & I , was even asked to sign a waiver by my doctor stating that we agreed and understood that there is no chance of saving our baby due to severe pre-maturity and under development. Until now, I can still remember how heavy my heart was while I was in the delivery room, all by myself, as they wait for my tummy to contract... I was crying endlessly, not really because of the physical pain I am experiencing that time, more so because of the fact that I am losing my baby and that there seemed to be no other option for me and that there's nothing I can do but to accept my fate! I remember saying "sorry" over and over to my baby and praying to the Lord to help me accept and understand everything I am going through that very moment and for Him to take and receive my baby as she goes back to Him! I was praying for strength to be able to accept His Holy Will! With the unending love and support of family and friends, slowly but surely, I've healed from the pain! The pain of losing a child and learning to surrender to the Will of God! With continued faith in Him and as time passes by, I've learned to accept that, maybe, it was really His plan to take Catherine from us! Maybe, that was her purpose - to be our "little angel" ... forever and ever in the Heavens up above!

To our dearest angel... I know you're happy where you are and I know you're watching us everyday! We miss you and we know, you know how much we do love you!

A Special Day!

Woke up early yesterday, 'guess I'm pretty excited to start the day, of course, today is the 10th of May. Headed straight to the bathroom and took a refreshing shower - ahhh what a nice feeling! Then woke up my husband, told him to go hurry up 'coz we were supposed to catch up the 7am mass in Antipolo. We didn't bother to wake up the kids 'coz bringing them with us would mean another hour or so to dress them up and prepare before we could leave the house. We got to Antipolo, as expected, late for the 7am mass. So we have to wait for the next mass instead. It has been a tradition, that everytime my birthday comes, besides the fact that it falls on the month of May, (so as the Feast of the Mother of Good Voyage), we hear mass in Antipolo. I remember when I was younger, the whole family would be going to Antipolo and my sisters and I anticipated this time, especially I of course. Upon hearing mass, we used to enjoy having a breakfast of steaming hot sotanghon soup (with boiled egg) or lugaw at the nearby carinderias outside the Church and of course, going with our Mama, to buy "kasuy" nuts, mangga, suman and kalamay which are sold left and right by those sometimes, excuse the word - "almost pesky" vendors. Good thing now, they are not allowed to enter the Church premises and were given proper stalls to market their products. After mass, my husband and I, before going back home, passed by Mcdo to buy breakfast and pancakes for our girls. We were actually, in bit of a hurry, to get back too because I have to be at the office before lunch, in time for the lunch treat an officemate (its her birthday too!) and I were supposed to throw for our department. We had a feast of a lunch at the "paluto" located at the Ortigas Home Depot. Though some came a bit late for lunch, I'm sure everyone was full and I just hope everyone enjoyed it! When we got back to the office, I was quite in a "no-work" mood, perhaps because I was feeling sleepy, after that hearty lunch!

I got off from work a bit earlier, my husband came and picked me up early! I actually promised my eldest daughter that I'd be home early that day! We had another celebration at home, this time with my family! My mother prepared a sumptuous dinner for us and again, I think, everyone did enjoy the meal! Whew, it was a really a tummy-filling day! I never imagine I could eat so much in a day! Anyway, I'm eating for two, right ha ha! I guess my baby is really overjoyed with all the food he/she had that day! Before turning in for the night, I was once again given a treat by my two daughters who gave me a "birthday song"! It was for me, one of the most precious gifts I got yesterday! And finally, time to turn in for the night and before doing so, I just have to go and say "thank you" to my Mom, of course, for cooking for my birthday and most especially to Him, for blessing me with another year (and hopefully with more years!). To everyone who greeted, emailed, texted and remembered me yesterday, a big thanks to all of you and for making it such a special and wonderful day that it was!

"My Birthday Wishlist"

Uh oh... its almost the 10th of May once again! A very special day indeed for me 'coz I'll be celebrating my birth anniversary! I've decided to come up with a "Birthday Wishlist" for myself - after all its my day and that's what birthdays are for - right?!

Here it goes... oh how I wish for ... (this is arranged in no paticular order - i just input whatever comes to my mind first!)

- an ipod (this is one luxury I really would love to have) music lover ako eh... can't work without music in the background!

- a new cellphone - (doesn't have to be super hi-tech, at least medyo update model naman! ;)

- a digital videocamcorder - (want this to so I can record important events and special school programs of my kids.... and of course the coming baby!)

- new clothes that would fit my growing belly - (can't wear my maternity clothes yet... they seem too big for now!)

- a nice pair of havaianas, comfortable walking shoes (brown & black) - (basta comfy shoes and slippers durable enough to carry me around - wherever I may go... he, he! )

- new mattress for our bed and new sets of pillows (these is more of a need, than a want actually!)

- my very own eternity ring! ('guess I'd have to wait for this.... hopefully not for eternity! :(

- a day in the spa - for a full body massage (too release the stress building up on my shoulders); then in the parlor - for a hair, foot and hand spa! (ooohh.... love that pampering!)

- a shopping spree where I could get/buy whatever I want without the guilty feeling of spending too much on myself! (when you become a mom - your priorities really do change!)

- a laser treatment (to remove unwanted facial, armpits & leg hairs - i-specify pa ba! :D

- watch a concert of my favorite artist (local or foreign doesn't matter - as long as all my fave songs will be sang)

- a vacation to Boracay with my hubby and kids! (would really love to bring my daughters to the beach!)

- a trip out of the country (any country will do! matatakan lang passport ko ... he, he, yeaaah poor me!)

- a bouncing, healthy, normal and full-term - BABY BOY! (prayin' really hard for this! - i surely hope HE hears my prayers!) and of course, a safe delivery!

- matching lacoste shirts, rubber shoes and bag! (brand-conscious he, he!)

- beautiful flowers delivered specially for me! ('guess every woman loves receiving these especially from a loved-one!)

- a personal computer or laptop of my own!

- perfumes - (acca kappa or clinique happy for women)

- cds (orig ha - not pirated &/or burned copies) of my favorite artists (anita baker, james taylor, roberta flack, michael buble, rod stewart, vonda shepard, mymp, regine velasquez, duranduran, spandau and other 80's artists)

- lifetime membership to the gym! (really miss working out! maybe after this baby!)

and the list goes on and on! Oh well, I guess there's nothing wrong with wishing for these things... as long I know that whether I get my wishes or not, what's important is that I do appreciate whatever I have and I'm very much thankful for being able to celebrate another year ... but then again, there's always more birthdays (hopefully, lots more years) to make all the wishes I could ever think of! After all, it is my day!

A Tribute to All Moms

Every month of May comes along a very special day where we honor all moms! Usually celebrated every second Sundays of May (this year falling on 13th of May). It is the day we express our sincerest appreciation and love to our mothers, the woman who bore us into this world, nurtured and cared for us when we were still young and small, the one who always supported us and given us everything we ever needed, through all the ups and downs we experience in life, she is there and will always be there for us! Though at times we never seem to understand her and her sometimes over protection and concern for her children, it is indeed true and only now can I say, "you'll never really understand her 'till you yourself become one!" Now that I have children of my own, it is only now that I realize, that every mother wants only whats best for her child/ren. I know I do!

I take this opportunity to say "thank you" to you Mama, for being the best mother to all of us! Though at times I fail to say and show how much I appreciate you, I am indeed very grateful God blessed us with a mother like you! I love you very much .... and to my sisters, mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and friends who are fellow moms, happy mother's day to us! And may God continue to bless us to be good mothers to all our children.... now go and enjoy this once a year tribute in our honor! After all, it is our day!

Bits about Betsy

hi... a big welcome to my blogspot! i'm just starting to write so I would like to inform everyone that this is definitely a first for me! i'm here to give you a glimpse about myself... i'm a working mom and i have two daugthers - Erika is 6 and Bianca is 4 and in 5 months time - hopefully a mom, this time, to a healthy and bouncing "baby boy".(wishin' n prayin hard for this!) When not busy with work and being a full-time mom, I do enjoy doing other things like surfing the net, watching movies, listening to music - old and new, going to the malls with my hubby and kids (of course!), working out at the gym, shopping and travelling! well, now that you have a bit of an info about me... please watch out for my future posts and i sincerely hope you would enjoy reading them.